you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
