Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
