If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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