Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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