I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
