thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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