you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
