hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
