I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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