Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
