hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
