well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
