You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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