I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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