careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
