Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I didn't notice because vodka
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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