his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
