Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
