I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
