Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
