If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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