Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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