I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
