did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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