people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I DEMAND FORESKIN
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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