He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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