I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
