just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
