I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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