Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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