Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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