dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
