Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
