I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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