I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
