If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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