He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
