Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
