Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
