Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
