Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
