I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
