Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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