I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
