i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
