I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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