You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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