My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and she was petting her beer can
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
