i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
