"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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