made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
