3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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