I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
