im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
