How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
