Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
