i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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